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I can’t remember where I found this quiz—it was many years ago, and I cannot vouch for its authenticity, but it is fun. The following quiz consists of four questions to determine whether or not you are qualified to be a “Professional.” The questions are not that difficult. 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? Correct answer: Open the refrigerator door, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Correct answer. Open the refrigerator door, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant, and close the door. Did you say, “Open the refrigerator; put in the elephant; and close the refrigerator?” Shame on you. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend—except one. Which animal does not attend? Correct answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities. 4. There is a river you must cross, but it is inhabited by crocodiles and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it? Correct answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. So…are you qualified to be a Professional? According to Accenture (a global consultancy), around 90% of the professionals they tested got all answers wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Accenture says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
A Note on the Seasons The Northern Hemisphere’s autumnal equinox, i.e., the beginning of autumn, occurs at 11:09PM (2309 hours) on 22 September 2010. This is when the day and night are equal in length. Of course, those of you in the Southern Hemisphere will be entering into spring and leaving the wet and cold behind. Those of you in equatorial climates are confused by this discussion, as you continue with your year-round, and enviable, summers. Feature Article
Do You Suffer from Fat Project Syndrome? What’s in your wallet? No, seriously. Take your wallet out of your pocket or purse and look at its contents. There you will find money (hopefully lots of it), pictures, credit/debit cards, licenses, odd slips of paper, notes to self, membership cards, receipts from 1996, etc. How much of that is useful, necessary information? How much is simply being carried around because we haven’t taken the time to clean out the wallet? If you carry your wallet in your hip pocket, typical behavior of many men, you may even suffer from piriformis syndrome, sometimes referred to as “fat wallet syndrome.” This condition occurs when there is consistent pressure on the sciatic nerve—which runs from the spinal cord, under the piriformis muscle, to the toes. Sitting for long periods of time on a fat wallet can put pressure on the piriformis, which in turn puts pressure on the sciatic nerve, which in turn hurts like hell. Some of you will recognize it as a form of sciatica. Many projects suffer from what could be called “fat project syndrome.” There is so much detritus lying about, the real work is hard to recognize, and even harder to accomplish. And it hurts. This condition can be alleviated by conducting a sort of housecleaning. Look about for those things—activities, meetings, reports—that do not really add any value to the project. For instance, most staff meetings are about as useful as a swimming pool filled with hydrochloric acid, and just as toxic. Really, is it of value for everyone to stop what they are doing, gather together, waste the first five to fifteen minutes talking about the game, listen to the boss ramble on about stuff that could have more effectively been transmitted by memo (email or otherwise), waste another five to fifteen minutes breaking up the meeting and shuffling back to the cube farm, and then trying to figure out where the real work was interrupted. This type of meeting occurs every day in companies around the world. The drain on productivity is immense, but it is measurable. Take the length of the meeting, multiply by 1.5 (my SWAG*), then by the average hourly rate (just SWAG it, but make sure to include overhead, G&A, etc.) for the individuals in attendance. * SWAG = Scientific Wild Ass Guess. Not as accurate as a WAG. So if your staff meeting is scheduled for 1 1/2 hours, with 14 people in attendance, at an average hourly rate of $52, then the meeting costs about $1,638. Is the objective of the meeting really worth that much? Likely, it is not. What may be more frightening is that my position here is probably optimistic! This is not based on any studies or other empirical data except what I witness in meetings at companies large and small. It is simply my perspective, my take on it, my belief. Which means it’s highly accurate. Other places to look for “fat project syndrome” include, but are certainly not limited to, “nice-to-do-but-not-necessary” activities, lack of clarity in assignments, overly detailed plans, overly simplistic plans, and lack of deadlines**.
** It was French journalist,
essayist, playwright and novelist Emile Zola who said, It is important that we consider our impact on our projects. If in doing so we find less than stellar behavior on our part, it is our duty and responsibility to correct that situation. We must bring energy to the project, not suck it out. With apologies to U.S. President John F. Kennedy, “Ask not what your project can do for you, ask what you can do for your project.” Imagine the impact; that moment when we unleash our inner selves on the needs of the project. This is not about the normal, everyday showing up to pay our days worth of labor. As Steve Jobs, co-founder and current CEO of Apple, Inc. famously said, “Make a dent in the universe.” When we are thus engaged, the fear of making mistakes simply melts away. The hesitation to participate gives way to an eagerness to contribute deeply. The ennui of the daily grind is swept away by an energized outlook and stance. This is where we find the exhilaration of living on the Vital Edge; where only we can define the limits of our contribution, and where we pay the price or reap the reward for having done so.
To Your Vital Success, Sean Alexander To comment on this article, click here. To subscribe to The Vital Edge, click here. © 2010 Sean Alexander. All Rights Reserved. WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Sean Alexander is President of VitalThought, a boutique consulting company that focuses on Results-Based Management. His monthly ezine, The Vital Edge, helps executives, project managers and team members discover project and personal success with results-based strategies and tactics. If you're ready to energize your projects and yourself, investigate the possibilities at www.vitalthought.com. Want to Participate? While monologues are great—I love that no one argues with me when I talk to myself—dialogue allows things to happen. If you'd like to join in the discussion, drop me a line. Send questions, comments, rants (not too explosive, please) and raves (explosions welcome) to: TheVitalEdge@vitalthought.com.  |
